the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
