Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
