If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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