I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
