Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
