Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
