I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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