Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
