I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
