Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
where does the pee come out of this thing
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
