I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
