Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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