I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
