Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
