I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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