If i could tip my vagina, i would.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
