I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
