we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
