If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
