im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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