As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
