I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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