when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
