he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
