i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
