Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Can you bring me the toilet please
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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