Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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