Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
