I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
