seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
