I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
