you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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