She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
