I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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