Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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