that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
