dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
