I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
