We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
