i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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