I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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