Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
