I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
