This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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