Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
