then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
