Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
