at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
