is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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