I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
