Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
