She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
