He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
