He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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