She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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